Remembering Mother

Aunt Nita, Aunt Elaine, Ma, Me, and Mother

The last two weeks have been hard for my family to say the least. After burying my uncle we then turned around and had to bury my grandmother nine days later. I knew the day would come for us to say goodbye but I was still unprepared. In a twist of fate or an act of God we were called home due to my uncle's passing. I saw my grandmother that weekend. Had we not had to travel home I would not have gotten to tell her goodbye in person. I will forever be thankful for that. 

Mother

Unlike many people I grew up near my grandmother as a matter of fact just around the corner from her. She was my primary babysitter along with my aunts. She was a feisty, witty, and powerful matriarch. To me she was the funniest person I knew. After giving birth to twelve kids wouldn't you have to have a sense of humor?  Our family is the most hilarious group of people I know and from stories that my aunts and uncles tell it comes directly from their parents. I wish I had been around to see the interaction between my grandmother and grandfather. You can read more about him here. (http://www.blackdebutante.com/2010/05/he-lives-on.html) Although losing Mother was hard I can't help but get a kick out of them being reunited after 30 years apart. 


My grandmother was a lot of things. First and foremost she was a Christian woman who worked hard for her God and her church. That was the hardest thing to deal with after her stroke was her want to get back to church versus her physical ability to get there. Second, she was a mother/caregiver. I remember how great she was at taking care of my mom after her back surgery and how Mother made sure she was in the operating room when I had my surgery at age 6. She wasn't going to let them put me out without her supervision. 

Mother, Me, and Ma

Growing up so close to my maternal family I always wanted to look more like them. I wanted to look like my grandmother and mother. I was always proud of the high cheekbones that my grandmother gave me and when people say I'm beginning to look more like her is the best compliment anyone could give. Outside of the cheekbones I also think she gave me my one-liners that my friends laugh at. If Mother had one thing it was a quick response. She wasn't the bake cookies and coo at you kinda grandma. She was the "I make the best peach cobbler and you kids better be quiet" grandma and I loved her for that. Another thing I loved was how much history she had lived through. I loved talking to her about living through World Wars, the Great Depression, and the Civil Rights Movement. I also loved getting her take on electing the first Black President. She told me she never thought she'd see the day. I also remember her saying she voted for John McCain and then cracking up laughing at my face. 


I try not to be sad that she's gone because after her stroke in 2006 she was never the same again. Her body was racked with pain and now she is free, but as a human being I miss her and I miss the fact that I won't hear her voice. I won't hear her say "there's my smiling girl" when I walk into a room. The biggest sadness comes when I think about the fact that she will never get to see me get married. Let's be real my grandma was QUITE concerned that I wasn't married yet. She got married at 16 so me hitting 32 and still single was something she couldn't quite grasp. She asked me every time she saw me did I have a boyfriend. And of course my answer was no. I never imagined that she wouldn't be there for my big day and this will remain my biggest regret. 

Mother at Christmas dinner

With 10 children, 28 grandchildren, 41 great-grandchildren, 1 great-grandchild and one on the way my grandmother leaves an incredible legacy. Not only did she pass down her humor, she passed down her love of Christ. We are above all else a Christian family and I believe this is due entirely to my grandparents and their love for God. 


I think about her every day and how lucky I was to have grown up with such a powerful woman in my life. She will be missed. 

In Honor of My Uncle

A limb has fallen from the family tree.

I keep hearing a voice that says, "Grieve not for me.

Remember the best times, the laughter, the song.

The good life I lived while I was strong.

Continue my heritage, I'm counting on you.

Keep smiling and surely the sun will shine through.

My mind is at ease, my soul is at rest.

Remembering all, how I truly was blessed.

Continue traditions, no matter how small.

Go on with your life, don't worry about falls

I miss you all dearly, so keep up your chin.

Until the day comes we're together again.

When I think of my uncle I can't help but smile. He was a hard worker, a dear husband, respected father, beloved grandfather and great-grandfather. Yet he was much more than that. When I mentioned his passing to my father the first thing out of his mouth was that he was a great friend. When I mentioned his passing to a family friend she said he was a great provider. When I think of him I recall being a child and him letting me sit on his back and brush his hair including his bald spot. He will truly be missed. If you attended a Hugle family cookout he always made sure you had everything you needed to have a great time. As a matter of fact our last conversation ended with him asking if I had gotten enough to eat. He was always a great host. When I heard the news of his passing I was overcome with sadness but my cousin said it best when she told me he passed doing what he loved and that gave me peace. 

I’m sure my Aunt Joyce and cousins Rodney, Russell, Rendell, and Rontae have many more stories to share about him as a husband and a father. We all have stories about Uncle James Foster or as my uncles called him Sweet A and the laughter that he gave us. Although he left us suddenly his life will not easily be forgotten. His memory will always be with us, and his legacy will live on through his children, grandchildren, and great-grandchild. 

My uncle’s death serves as a reminder to me how short life is and that there is no time for later. If you haven’t had lunch with an aunt in awhile do it. If you haven’t seen a cousin is awhile go visit. It seems cliché to say that we have to enjoy our time with our loved ones now because we cannot predict when they will be taken away from us, but it is very very true. Our family is extremely blessed that we are and have been so close after all these years. It is in these times of loss that we must and will pull together even tighter. When I think of my uncle I am not sad for I know he is now at rest and looking upon us hoping we’re having a great time. 

As we celebrate his life I’d like to leave you with this scripture: 

 ¹⁵ Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. ¹⁶ Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. ¹⁷ And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Rest in Peace, James Foster 

October 17, 1943-August 9, 2011